In my weakened, sickly state the past few days. I had the privilege of boredly perusing the B movies on Netflix. I came across one called Take This Waltz with Michelle Williams, Seth Rogen, Luke Kirby, etc. Besides being a pretty horrible movie, honestly, there was one quote that sort of stunned me.

Williams’s character gets anxious when she has a connecting flight. She says it’s not because she’s afraid of getting lost and missing her flight, it’s just that she is afraid of the uncertainty and the limbo about it. She confides in Kirby’s character about this fear.

His quote to her later is what stuck with me (besides how much I did not enjoy the rest of the film, although got too far into it to not finish it. Hey, what can I say, I stick to my commitments. Off topic.):

“I’ve been thinking about that airport fear of yours, of being in between things. I think I kinda hate it too. I know it’s kind of the nature of being alive, but I’d like to avoid it wherever possible. I don’t think I wanna be in between things” (Take This Waltz, 2011, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592281/?ref_=sr_1).

I have to give this shitty, Indie film credit. Somehow it managed to describe exactly how I feel/have been feeling lately. I’m just inbetween.

I have this impending London adventure and I’m just biding my time.

I’m waiting for my connecting flight and it’s taking forever for the stewards to call boarding.

I’m double- and triple-checking my boarding pass to make sure I have my seat memorized, but it doesn’t matter because I still have so much time that I’ll be checking it again when I queue up.

I’m between. I’m in a life layover. I hate to feel like my “life hasn’t started” until I leave for London, but part of me kind of does.

I love my job, the people I work with, my apartment, my alone time, my ability to be a lazy ass, time spent with friends and family, all of it. But…

I’m still stuck in the airport, waiting for my connecting flight. Life has brought me here, and I have to wait for it to take me there.

It’s a bit maddening. I’m not a very patient person.

The time can be so short and yet so long – such a short amount of time between now and when I hopefully leave, and yet it feels an eternity.

I should look at this as an opportunity to focus on… whatever… and work on my patience.

But that’s the thing, I don’t use my time wisely. I fill my time with everything else I want to do and wait until the last minute to get to work.

And I don’t want to be in between things.