Bullseye

So, I got the job.

I was beyond ecstatic. I went through training and learned a lot. I was assigned my ‘area’ and I’ve really come to ‘own’ it. I can get stuff done and I’ve had a couple leadership opportunities. I love most, if not all, of the people I work with. In fact, I’m having drinks with one of the fellow female team leads tomorrow after we close. I don’t even dread going to work.

All in all, I’m super happy with how things are going.

Then there’s everything else.

A typical week looks like:
Monday – Andrew opens and I close, so we don’t see each other.
Tuesday – Andrew opens and I’m off, so we don’t see each other ’til he’s off.
Wednesday – Either I open/he closes or he opens/I close, so we don’t see each other.
Thursday – Either I open or close and he’s off, so we either don’t see each other ’til I’m off or we do until I go to work.
Friday – Either we both open and we don’t see each other ’til we’re both off, or one of us closes and the other opens, so we don’t see each other.
Saturday – Either I open/he closes or he opens/I close, so we don’t see each other.
Sunday – Same thing.

Then every other weekend, we’re both off.

Tonight, we said goodnight and I said, see you Tuesday after five. Like.. so this is it, huh? This is what adults do? This is what relationships are when both partners are gainfully employed?

Okay.

Obviously, I’m overjoyed to have a steady income again and I’ve got way less anxiety and I love interacting with people every day (yet still hate people, paradoxically) and I feel good (but sore) being on my feet all day. All of that is good.

But I can’t help but feeling like, ‘this is it? Like, really?’

This weekend was our first weekend off together and we slept. all. goodamn. weekend. Because we’re exhausted. I hope not every weekend off is like that. I hope every day that I eventually get used to everything; that my body eventually gets used to this level of activity.

I think it will.

I mean, people do this, I guess. They’re used to it and apparently, it works. Apparently, this environment is conducive to having a relationship and a family because people do it.

I guess I just wish that I didn’t have to. But then, everyone probably does. And I know people have it worse.

I guess I don’t remember it being this way before, but then again I didn’t have a partner worth a damn or share a dwelling or have a dog.

I guess I’ll just get used to it.

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