Tag Archives: work

Bullseye

March 27, 2016 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

So, I got the job.

I was beyond ecstatic. I went through training and learned a lot. I was assigned my ‘area’ and I’ve really come to ‘own’ it. I can get stuff done and I’ve had a couple leadership opportunities. I love most, if not all, of the people I work with. In fact, I’m having drinks with one of the fellow female team leads tomorrow after we close. I don’t even dread going to work.

All in all, I’m super happy with how things are going.

Then there’s everything else.

A typical week looks like:
Monday – Andrew opens and I close, so we don’t see each other.
Tuesday – Andrew opens and I’m off, so we don’t see each other ’til he’s off.
Wednesday – Either I open/he closes or he opens/I close, so we don’t see each other.
Thursday – Either I open or close and he’s off, so we either don’t see each other ’til I’m off or we do until I go to work.
Friday – Either we both open and we don’t see each other ’til we’re both off, or one of us closes and the other opens, so we don’t see each other.
Saturday – Either I open/he closes or he opens/I close, so we don’t see each other.
Sunday – Same thing.

Then every other weekend, we’re both off.

Tonight, we said goodnight and I said, see you Tuesday after five. Like.. so this is it, huh? This is what adults do? This is what relationships are when both partners are gainfully employed?

Okay.

Obviously, I’m overjoyed to have a steady income again and I’ve got way less anxiety and I love interacting with people every day (yet still hate people, paradoxically) and I feel good (but sore) being on my feet all day. All of that is good.

But I can’t help but feeling like, ‘this is it? Like, really?’

This weekend was our first weekend off together and we slept. all. goodamn. weekend. Because we’re exhausted. I hope not every weekend off is like that. I hope every day that I eventually get used to everything; that my body eventually gets used to this level of activity.

I think it will.

I mean, people do this, I guess. They’re used to it and apparently, it works. Apparently, this environment is conducive to having a relationship and a family because people do it.

I guess I just wish that I didn’t have to. But then, everyone probably does. And I know people have it worse.

I guess I don’t remember it being this way before, but then again I didn’t have a partner worth a damn or share a dwelling or have a dog.

I guess I’ll just get used to it.

Someone Wants Me

February 12, 2016 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

After upwards of 400 job applications submitted from the East Coast to the West Coast and the No Coast in between, finally someone wants me.

It took until the interview process to realize how much I actually want/need a job. I mean, I knew I needed one, but it wasn’t until something actually seemed promising that I felt that drive again.

I’ve loved the jobs I’ve had. And I haven’t had many. I started at Goodwill when I was 16 and worked there for almost four years, then at a car dealership for almost four years, then at NP Dodge for a year. Then London for three months while I finished my masters, followed by a couple years of unemployment and self-employment.

When the Target opportunity came up, it reminded me of the NP Dodge opportunity. When I was desperately trying to get away from the car dealership, I saw an opening for an escrow officer at NP Dodge and had no idea what that word even meant. I knew I fit most of the requirements and I knew that I was a quick learner, so I went ahead and applied on a whim. Much to my surprise, I was called in for an interview. I remember exactly what I wore. I had a great time in the interview and was told that they had a few others to do, so I should hear at some point. I went home and took a nap and was woken from that nap with a phone call: a job offer.

I ended up absolutely loving escrow and real estate. And I really excelled at it. After a few months, I was promoted to a salaried position and had a junior officer working under me. Soon after that, I was handling all of the REOs and FSBOs. It really killed me to leave. I know I wrote about it in here somewhere. It really did. I should have gone back, actually, after finishing my masters. I was just so sure that I’d land the perfect job in social media somewhere in New York.

Until I didn’t. I had quick-links at the top of my browser for HBO jobs, BBC jobs, BBC America jobs, AMC jobs, NBC jobs, ABC jobs, Discovery jobs, Time Warner jobs; pretty much every major network. I was on LinkedIn for hours every day scrolling through page after page of social media manager jobs and the like. I realized quickly that with the SM manager positions, they required anywhere from 1-5 years of experience. I applied anyway, but it was just one meme after another.

I had limited myself to the coasts, so I started pulling in from each direction. Okay, no one in New York or California wants me, maybe something in Connecticut or Washington? Okay, no one there, so maybe Colorado or Chicago? On top of that, I had started applying for whatever job was available at the places I actually wanted to work (the networks). Got a receptionist job open? Okay, hire me. Someone needed in the mail room? I’ll do it. Finally, I was applying for the same thing in Omaha, wondering if I’d ever be able to do anything remotely like I had dreamed.

When I moved to Minnesota with Andrew, I started looking around at anything surrounding me to see what kind of jobs were available. Lo and behold, the same IT/nursing jobs that were in Omaha were up here, too. i.e. nothing for which I was qualified. I found some social media or otherwise media-related positions open, but either I didn’t have the experience (cue the memes) or I just didn’t get the job in the end.

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but just in case I haven’t: I know how extremely blessed and fortunate I am to having been able to support myself off of my savings/trust for so long whilst looking for a job. I wouldn’t have been able to do it, much like much else, without my grandparents having the foresight and ability to create such a thing. I think it also enabled me to not search as frantically, and it definitely allowed me to hold out for the right job. Even when I panicked and got anxiety about my dwindling savings, I knew I had at least another year, if I so needed. But then it’d be gone, and what would my grandparents say, if they could?

So in the midst of another mild panic attack regarding just that topic, I decided to see if there were any openings at this Target Express down the street. Yes, Target Express. Google it. It’s amazing. I’m obsessed with it. I’m possessive over it. I need one like, in my apartment. Anyway, there was a Team Lead position open. My first thought was, oh I don’t have any leadership experience – thinking, I’ve never had the title of ‘manager.’ But like the escrow officer situation, I did meet the other requirements, so I submitted an application.

Two days later, I got a call about coming in for an interview. That interview was life-changing, no joke. The woman I met with just totally turned my view around: I had loads of leadership experience, I had led many people and many situations. She told me to be confident in that. She even said that I was phenomenal. I can say with 100% certainty that I’ve never gotten that compliment in my life. I walked out of that interview with my head held so high. And I actually had hope again. I didn’t even realize just how hopeless I’d become until she gave some hope back to me. I doubt very much I’ll ever have an interview quite like that again.

After that, I interviewed with that woman’s mentor, who has been with Target for as long as I’ve been on Earth. Then I got to move on to the next one, and the next one, and suddenly, I’m at the First Ever Target to make sure I will be a good fit. When the store leader of THE Target said she’d love to have me as part of her team, I legit got choked up right there in her office. Someone actually wants me. Someone actually sees value in me. Someone thinks I’d be a good addition to their team, their company. It had been so long.

I walked straight out onto the sales floor and bought a few pairs of khakis and a few red shirts.

My goal is to not only sail through training and rise in the ranks, but to hopefully express just how thankful and honored I truly am for this opportunity. I know I expressed in each interview just how much of a Target fangirl I am, but I mean, I’m actually sitting here in tears just writing this up.

Who knows what this opportunity has in store for me. And Andrew. And for us. I mean, this is going to help us with our goal to find a house in another year or so. This is going to save us so much money on groceries and everything else we need. Personally, this is going to give me something to do. Something to get me out of the house. Something to feel like I’m part of the human race again. I have worth again. I can get rid of the guilt I’ve felt for depleting my trust. Hell, I can better serve the purposes of Far From Everything Films. Just.. so many good things.

Oh, one of my favorite parts: I had forgotten to take my lip ring out when I was meeting with HR, so I apologized for it. She said, “so what? You can wear that here.”

I have half of my head shaved, gauged ears, and a lip piercing, and all of that is okay. (Here come the tears again). Seriously, it’s never been okay. I had to ask/beg permission to put blue in my hair while I was at Goodwill. I got written up at Woodhouse for forgetting to take out my lip piercing. The head on the stud was stuck and I couldn’t get it off without greasy pliers from the service department, cutting up my lip in the process. I couldn’t wear it at NP Dodge either. Nor do I remember having any sort of wild hair along the way.

Now it’s okay. Now I’m okay just as I am. Not like these things make me who I am, but they are part of me. And they’re okay. What a relief.

This whole situation is such a relief. Finally, someone wants me. Target wants me. And Target wants me for me.

 

 

Speaking of someone wanting me, I’m also blessed to have a partner who wants me, and wants me for me. In spite of the fact that I worry too much and I’m a shit and I’m petty and I hardly ever put any effort into my appearance (subject to change with impending job) and I never help with the dishes and leave hair in the shower and otherwise leave the house a mess and whine when he stays at work late and whine just a lot of the time, probably, and make the occasional comment about wanting a ring and a baby and a house and an additional dog (or four) and all these other things, he seems to love me and even like me.

I’d quote a bunch of Sara Bareilles lyrics now, but I’ve already wept enough during this post.

What Is Life

June 22, 2015 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Almost a month ago, I spent my last night in Omaha.

Most of my things were moved already, and all that remained were a few odds and ends, and my furniture.

The morning of the big move, I was seriously anxious. What was going to go wrong? What was going to get broken? What if this happens? What if that happens? I was also very emotional, even though I tried my hardest not to be.

My parents showed up to say goodbye; mom was a bit weepy and, of course, my dad says the things I always need to hear: I am worthy, I deserve everything I want, I can do anything I want to do, and I am loved. So, there went the tears. My brother showed up a bit later and stayed with me until just before I hit the road. He helped calm me down and let me know on his way out how well the moving truck was being packed. Phew.

The drive up here went by quickly and slowly at the same time. I got caught in five o’clock traffic just two miles from my exit and I was absolutely livid. I just wanted to be there!

That evening, and the week after, are a total blur of unpacking, buying shelving units and other fun IKEA things, building said things, hanging photos, organizing the kitchen, organizing the closets, etc. Oh, and sleeping poorly because one huge window in our bedroom was missing blinds. Waking with the sun every morning, regardless of when I went to sleep the night before, was aggravating as hell. And didn’t really restore me for a new day of work.

By the next week, we were already looking at puppies to adopt. I got Andrew caught up in the search and essentially all of our texts consisted of puppy photos all day. We knew we wanted a bigger dog and we wanted to adopt a rescue. In looking at the adoption process, I got discouraged. An application, an interview, references, a meeting, a home visit?! Jesus Christ, are we adopting a child? Applying for a government job? I had no idea it was so thorough and difficult. I understood and completely support the method behind the madness, but for those of us normal, decent human beings who aren’t going to chain the dog up outside 24/7… ugh.

We ended up applying for a dog that we totally fell in love with and then got denied because another couple was ahead of us in the process. Then we applied for a couple more and the same thing happened. At this point, I’m going, Jesus Christ, I’d almost rather pay double to just get one from a pet shop. But instead, we applied for a few more.

Finally (I say, finally; it was probably like, within a couple days), we got invited to go meet one of the puppies. He was adorable and cuddly and I think Andrew was pretty goddamn set on him. We fell asleep that night discussing ridiculous names, such as: Sterling The University of Nebraska Cornhuskers versus The University of Iowa Hawkeyes… [last name].

We communicated to the foster mom and the lady from the shelter that we indeed wanted this little pup… and then we never heard anything from the shelter.

Then, in true things-happen-for-a-reason fashion, the day I was bitching about the lack of communication and consideration, I got a call from another foster mom about another puppy we’d applied for. Apparently the people who wanted her were having trouble coming up with the adoption fee (red flag, much?), so if we want her, she’s ours.

I think this was a Wednesday. We set up a meeting for Friday, we filmed a home video (in lieu of a home visit) Thursday, we drove an hour to meet her Friday, and that night, we brought her home.

Meet Olive Adventure (and insert heart-eyes emoji):
Olive Adventure

She’s a (now) nine-week old Shepherd Mix. We aren’t sure what she’s mixed with, but we’re pretty sure that it’s a wirehair of some kind. She’s a joy and a laugh and a little shit and a snuggler and a whiner and so sociable and sweet. She’s super outgoing; she’ll go up to anyone and any dog. She wants to play with everyone. She doesn’t like being hot and will whine (kinda like me) and she has recently started fording the stream in the park across the street.
Olive in the stream

Andrew and I are now ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy’ and we’re just totally in love. (Cue: ‘awww’)

We’ve had her a week and a half now and, well, she’s exhausting. ‘Daddy’ is at work five days a week, so ‘mommy’ has to do the most potty breaks and cleaning up accidents and trying to get her to stop biting or chewing on absolutely everything. Not to mention, she’s up with Andrew when he gets up for work (somewhere in the neighborhood of 6am). So yeah, I’m getting a spa afternoon on Thursday lol

Adding to the frustration, I’m getting paranoid about my dwindling savings, so I’ve resumed the job hunt… again. I’m being fairly goddamn picky because I just am, but I want it to be within walking distance (which isn’t a huge ask, seeing as we’re downtown), part-time so I can be home with bb most of the time, and not a receptionist or food service job. Actually, what I’d really like to do is some writing from home. If only I could get myself to finish that ‘novel’ I started.

I’ve also resumed the fitness journey. Buzzfeed posted that circuit workout a couple weeks ago and I’m on the third week today. You’re supposed to up the weight each week; I started with 10lb dumbbells. Because the tiny rec in my building didn’t have 12s, I had to go straight to 15s… And to be consistent, I need to use 20s tonight. I’m a tad nervous I won’t be able to do it all, because I also have to up the reps by two. I don’t know how much physical change I’ll see in two more weeks, and I haven’t weighed myself because fuck the scale, but who knows. I’ll prob just keep going with it and eventually be curling 50s LOL

Anyway, I love Saint Paul. I keep saying it’s like Omaha and London had a baby because it really does feel like home and the city I adore. Our apartment is brilliantly located a block from the train and ten meters from the park, a few blocks from the river and a half-mile from Starbucks (win). There are a bunch of microbreweries and awesome restaurants within walking distance and anything else is on the trainline. I probably came up here with 6100 miles on my car, and I noticed the odometer read 6171 today. So, about seventy miles in almost a month? Not fucking bad.

The only driving I do now is to the chiropractor, which is still only about seven miles away. It’s a different technique than I was getting in Omaha, but apparently, this is the next step in my treatment that makes the most sense. Here’s to hoping I get back to 100% after a couple months of this. I got really emotional when I had my consultation with the new bonebreak. It just dredges up all of the accident memories and memories of all the pain. It’s almost been a year and I’m still dealing with everything. Thank God for Andrew, seriously. What a loving, caring, thoughtful support system I have. I’m embarrassingly lucky to have him. And my family, holy shit.

Tell me, what is my life without your love? Tell me, who am I without you by my side?

Not One for Dissonance

December 14, 2013 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

One of my friends posted her results of this personality test, so I thought I’d give it a go.

You choose between two blocks of several statements – whichever ones represent you the best. You do this about four times and then you get quite detailed results.

Mine are 100 percent, entirely accurate:

“Harmony-seeking Idealists are characterised by a complex personality and an abundance of thoughts and feelings. They are warm-hearted persons by nature. They are sympathetic and understanding. Harmony-seeking Idealists expect a lot of themselves and of others. They have a strong understanding of human nature and are often very good judges of character.

But they are mostly reserved and confide their thoughts and feelings to very few people they trust. They are deeply hurt by rejection or criticism. Harmony-seeking Idealists find conflict situations unpleasant and prefer harmonious relationships. However, if reaching a certain target is very important to them they can assert themselves with a doggedness bordering on obstinacy.

Harmony-seeking Idealists have a lively fantasy, often an almost clairvoyant intuition and are often very creative. Once they have tackled a project, they do everything in their power to achieve their goals. In everyday life, they often prove to be excellent problem solvers. They like to get to the root of things and have a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. At the same time, they are practically oriented, well organised and in a position to tackle complex situations in a structured and carefully considered manner. When they concentrate on something, they do so one hundred percent – they often become so immersed in a task that they forget everything else around them. That is the secret of their often very large professional success.

As partners, harmony-seeking idealists are loyal and reliable; a permanent relationship is very important to them. They seldom fall in love head over heels nor do they like quick affairs. They sometimes find it very difficult to clearly show their affection although their feelings are deep and sincere. In as far as their circle of friends is concerned, their motto is: less is more! As far as new contacts are concerned, they are approachable to only a limited extent; they prefer to put their energy into just a few, close friendships. Their demands on friends and partners are very high. As they do not like conflicts, they hesitate for some time before raising unsatisfactory issues and, when they do, they make every effort not to hurt anyone as a result.

Adjectives that describe your type
introverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, harmony-seeking, understanding, peace-loving, sensitive, quiet, sympathetic, conscientious, dogged, complicated, inconspicuous, warm-hearted, complex, imaginative, inspiring, helpful, demanding, communicative, reserved, vulnerable”

It also gives the analysis from a career standpoint:

As a Harmony-seeking Idealist you are one of the introverted personality types. Therefore you prefer a quiet work environment where you can intensively deal with your responsibilities and are not disturbed by too many people and repeated distractions. You need a lot of time to dwell on your thoughts, to put them into words and let your ideas take shape.

You are grateful for a certain measure of order and structure in order to achieve this, and being able to deal with one project after the other, thus not having a number of responsibilities at one time. You don’t like being overloaded because it is important to you to deal with things thoroughly. Your capability to concentrate is unusually great and very often you become engrossed in something and forget everything around you.

You are one of the feeler types. This fact is partially the reason that you have a very strong insight into human nature and enjoy dealing with people. You are interested in the people around you and have a real sense for their motivations, needs and abilities. Your talent to see the best in everybody and your keen wish to understand others and somehow contribute to their well-being predestine you to work with people.

Due to your propensity to be introverted you are not into holding major speeches for large audiences. Your real strength lies in working individually with people like therapists, physicians or priests. In those professions, when advancing others in their personal development or to help them in any other way is the issue, you are unbeatable.

You are extremely sensitive, and your social competences are developed above average. As a result you have no problems working with people or being a team member. Still, you should watch out to primarily surround yourself with persons who are similarly profound and eclectic. During the working day you abhor thoughtless, superficial, and insensitive colleagues.”

I have to laugh at that last line! The personality test is through iPersonic. I’m going to take the career test and see what they further say about me.

To be honest, it was just confirming things I already know about myself; however, from my perspective, it’s information I’d love to know about my friends and the people I interact with so that I could better that interaction. I think my personality test results essentially say that I would be like that!

Already/Only Tuesday

May 21, 2013 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The week is going quickly/slowly.

Three days of work left… before the week of preparation begins.

This weekend, I will be cleaning my apartment and my car, and then hopefully starting to pack at least one of my suitcases. And my jewelry case. And my makeup case. I started to think about all of the little things that I know I will forget or overlook: nail polish, for one. It’s a bit like packing for college.

I think I might leave as many toiletries as I can and then just buy them once I get there. It will save me precious cargo weight as well as room. Plus, there is a Tesco right down the way and then a Sainsbury’s down the other way.

Will I bring movies with me? Books? I’ll need some textbooks. I should almost have those shipped now. I wonder how long that takes. I need a traveling case for my MacBook. I need to check my blowdryer and flat-iron to see what voltage they use. I need some adapters. Shit.

I’m so glad I made sure to give myself a week of no work before I go. I’m sure it still won’t feel like enough time, but it will at least give me more peace of mind than had I only given myself a couple days to throw everything together. I am the epitome of a procrastinator, but that was not going to happen with an adventure like this.

And what an adventure it will be.

It’s funny because I have never had a desire to get to know my neighbors in my dorm or the two diffrent apartments I’ve lived in, and yet I’m incredibly excited to meet the people on my street in London. I want to be one of those people who leave the stoop and by the time I get to the corner, I’ve been greeted by most people outside. I’m going to be talking to people everywhere I go. I do that here, but it’s something about London that just makes me want to meet everyone.

At the very least, this is going to be an amazing experience that I’ll never forget. It can also go many other ways – but I won’t get into my hopes and dreams right now.

 

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering: Eric Clapton recorded “After Midnight” in 1970 and then again in 1988 for a beer commercial.

I got through to the DJ to answer the question and said “Layla”… I’ve never been so wrong.

Sentiment

April 24, 2013 By in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

So a week ago, I ordered some lockets from a friend of mine at work – she is selling Living Lockets through Origami Owl (ie: best gifts ever). I started looking at one for myself and ended up buying about eight others for friends and family. They’re incredibly cool.

Living Locket

Music, film, travel, writing, coffee/tea, faith, and some accent stones.

This morning, I got to pick them up – I’m so excited to dole them out. I just thought that since I’ll be leaving for three months and I’ll be missing birthdays…

Then I get to work and the VP/my boss comes into my office all cheerfully and says, “Happy Employee Appreciation Day!” and hands me this envelope. I say thanks and he walks away. In the envelope is a little note about how even the small things we do get noticed and help us work as a cohesive unit, etc. It also includes a crisp $50 bill. I got up and followed him to the next office and said thank you through what were threatening to be tears, he gave me a hug.

My days are numbered here. They could have easily given me less or nothing and I never would have thought twice about it. They didn’t need to do that, at all.

As much as I look forward to having three months off work, and boy, do I ever, things keep happening here that make me realize how much I’ll miss this place while I’m gone. I’m getting these great business deals and meeting such wonderful people, having such a great time bullshitting with everyone and feeling amazing when I know I did a really good job on something; then getting little things like this that just aren’t little at all.

A month. That’s all I’ve got left.

Twenty-nine days until my last day of work: twenty-two days of work in that time.

Unbelievable.

This is why

February 8, 2013 By in Personal, Uncategorized Tags: , , , Leave a comment

they tell you to expect the unexpected. But I’ve never understood that advice. If you expect the unexpected, you’re causing the unexpected to become expected… so either you “expect the expected” or it just cancels out entirely. So, “expect nothing” makes more sense.

What I mean is, my boss got back to me about the leave of absence. I am currently faced with a scenerio that I did not anticipate; I blame naïveté.

Sounds like, if I were to leave for an extended period of time (such as 6 months), I would have to resign from my position as they would not be able to hold it for me. When I come back, I’d be able to reapply.

Again, for whatever reason, this option never crossed my mind. I kept thinking “leave of absence”, not “quit and have to figure it out again when I come back.”

It’s a bit discouraging, I’ll admit; but it’s not going to stop me going.

Also, turns out we don’t have a London office. That, I knew, had a slim chance.

This whole thing seems to be timed so stupidly, I can recognize that. I haven’t been here a year yet, but in the time I’ve been here, I’ve become the main person for specific files, I’ve built relationships, etc. Thinking about these things tends to make me feel bad about going.

Then I remember I’ll be following my dreams, making my dreams a reality. I have the supreme fortune to be able to do this and I feel so strongly about doing it, and soon, that if I don’t go now, I will be a bit of a shell. It’ll be that missed opportunity that I feel forever.

I know it’s just a trip, just a long holiday, but I have never wanted anything this badly.

UPDATE:

My boss just came in and asked if I got his email – he’s so sweet. He said that they love me and love my work, so when I come back, they’d figure something out for me. Suddenly, I feel 100 times better.

And, of course, as I’m starting to tear up from my boss’s sweetness, a coworker walks in. They must never… see me cry… (sniffle).

This is why I love where I work.