I woke up to a missed call from MINI – my car was in. Finally. I called the sales manager back and asked if the windows were tinted. He said, no, but would I like them tinted? I said, yes, can they be done by the end of the day? He said he would get them done in a few hours and wouldn’t charge me. Damn right. So I would have to exercise my threadbare patience until 4pm.

I figured I would get up and get ready and run some errands in the meantime. While I was getting ready, my financial advisor on the east coast called me and told me that we shouldn’t have to jump through as many hoops trying to get the house, which is great! But it might still be tough to prove I wouldn’t just run off to Vegas and blow all of my money. Well, whatever, we’ll figure it out. I let my loan officer know and he said he would look into it. I thought, oh my God, this might be easy as hell.

Checked my mail and had finally gotten the settlement check from my insurance company. Went to the bank and made a total dad joke when the teller asked how I wanted my cash back (‘In dollars,’ I said). Took off for Starbucks and the barista told me my hair was fantastic. It was just shaping up to be an awesome day. 

I turned in my rental car, dad met me there and took me to MINI. My car is absolutely beautiful. Next step will be putting on the black bonnet stripes (maybe next week before/after Jo gets here). I’m just so happy to be back in a familiar car. Being able to press the clutch and shift gears; flicking the indicator lever and knowing it’ll blink three times so I can change lanes or merge. And now I’m spoiled with heated seats and a panoramic sunroof. 

Went to a friend’s house, actually one of my English teachers from high school. She was laid up with an injured back, so I helped her read through some papers. It was probably more fun than it should have been, but then again, I’m a total nerd, so it was right up my alley. 

All in all, an awesome day after a couple frustrating weeks.

And then I woke up Friday.

Had a text from my LO saying to call him when I had a chance. I called him from bed and he told me that because I don’t have any income, I’d either need a co-signor on the loan or I’d have to pay cash. Paying cash was out of the question, for a number of reasons, but mainly because the point of a loan was to build equity/credit/have a tax write-off. That left me with finding a co-signor. My mom is about to move into her fiancée’s house this fall, so she is out. My dad’s got his mortgage. My brother is in school, so he doesn’t have an income, either. Any other co-signor would have to be a roommate, which I don’t want. 

I also don’t want to continue on this woe-is-me shit, but it was really, really disappointing. I honestly thought it was going to be a done deal as soon as I did the loan paperwork. I was looking forward to working with my LO, doing the closing, moving stuff into the house, getting new bedroom furniture, I’d already started thinking of things to put on this huge blank wall in the entry way… Yeah. Like usual, I got way too ahead of myself and way too excited, so, like usual, I got way let down. I’ve only myself to blame, I know.

I know that it clearly wasn’t meant to be, otherwise it would be. I’m still fucking sad about it. 

Of course mom was like, you never know, you might get a job offer in the next month and then you’ll be whisked out of Omaha anyway – then having a house or being in the middle of the house process would just be in the way. I’d love to believe that. Obviously, I hope for it. The funny thing was, though, that once I’d found this house and even though I’d be a super rental property even if I did move, I was kind of hoping I’d find something here and I’d be here for a bit longer.

Oh yeah, and then I got turned down for the social media job in town that I’d applied for and, surprise surprise, I’d gotten very excited about. 

Thank God I’d been invited out for wings and drinks. Plenty of both later, I was home looking up rental properties in Omaha. A couple people asked me if I’d be able to get a loan if I got like a part-time barista job at a Starbucks for the sake of having an income. Would they even lend me money on the basis that I’m a part-time barista? I doubt it. 

I’m pretty sure I’ll just end up in either another apartment, or renting my apartment month-to-month so that I don’t have to sign another lease. I’d love (well, I say ‘love’) to move into the apartments down the street. They’re much nicer than my apartments, there’s a nice pool and a 24 hour gym, they allow dogs, etc. I’ve been in one of their apartments and they’re just really beautiful and feel comfortable. As much as it would be a pain in the ass to move, I’m honestly thinking I’d rather live there than here. (As I listen to my loud fucking neighbors). 

Then, of course, I think, oh, but what if I do get a job offer and I move by the end of summer and I’ve moved for no reason when I could have just rented month-to-month and now I’ll just be moving once… 

I don’t know what to do. I’m back to square one. 

At least I’ve got my goddamn car.