It’s February First

In case you hadn’t checked the date yet today.

To me, it feels more like New Years Day than New Years Day did.

The beginning of the year was packed with traveling and Christmas and more traveling and more Christmas… and more traveling and more Christmas… and then one more traveling to get home. We ate and ate and ate and ate some more, and slept like shit on an air mattress and a full-sized bed.

On top of all that, I had finally received the demand letter which was to go to the drunk driver’s insurance company so we can finally settle this damn thing. I learned that he had gotten picked up while driving under revocation and I think I laughed for about an hour. I could have bet anyone any amount of money that he would have done that and I would have won whatever amount of money I had bet. Some people just don’t learn. I had typed up an entry ten days after his sentencing a year ago about how I desperately hoped that he had gotten the wake-up call he needed and that every day since the accident had been filled with reevaluation and change.

Guess not. Idiot.

The days after traveling were filled with sleep, laziness, Fallout 4, and more laziness. It was amazing. Andrew was off of work, waiting to start his new job, so we got to actually spend time together. Even though, toward the end, he started getting cabin fever, I was so damn happy to have him home. We hadn’t gotten that kind of time together since… I don’t know when. It was a nice prize after suffering through his shitty Pac Sun hours.

Then, as he was about to start his new job at Target, I decided to check out the Target site for any openings. There’s a Target Express just right down the street that I’m obsessed with, and they happened to have a Team Lead position available. I applied, even though I had never been in a management position. A day or two later, I got a call to set up an interview.

Since then, I’ve had two additional interviews, and I’m just waiting on pins and needles for The Call. Whatever the decision may be. I’m always a hopeful, err-on-the-side-of-positive person, and I feel like I’ve got the job already. It’s one of those things where I went into it thinking, ‘this would be great, I love Target, I could probably do this job’ and since that first interview, I know this is the job I should have, it’s the job I deserve, and it’s the job at which I’m going to excel.

Then again, I may not get it. Maybe it’s not the right time, maybe it’s not the right any-number-of-things.

We’ll see.

Still doing film production, as if I could give that up. Brentwood Strangler, the short we produced, has won a few film festival awards, and we’re to be filming our first feature film this spring/summer in Australia. I’m so excited to head back to Oz and see my twins! 2016 is really shaping up to be a good year so far.

Also, in the mean time, since all the travel and eating, I’ve changed my diet; I lost the six or so pounds I gained over the holidays, putting me back to where I started. Today, I’m starting the AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge and a five-day workout split. I’ve got a renewed sense of, I don’t know, purpose? I guess? I’ve been visualizing myself doing these lifts and taking progress pictures and, much like with the Target job, I just feel like I’ve already accomplished what I set out to do.

I’m going to be twenty-eight this year. [Jesus]. It’s time I embrace being an adult and take care of what needs care. My body, my mind, my bank account. I got a nice little preparatory month and now the real shit is going to go down. It’s February First and the New Year is officially underway.

Existential Crisis #88

Actually, I’ve probably had quite a few more existential crises, but that was the first number to come to mind. 

I’ve made the decision, again, that I need to write every day. I found a tumblr with writing prompts that are less irritating than the ones I’d been doing previously. I couldn’t make it through February’s and March’s looked just as unappealing. 

But today is not that day. Tomorrow is that day. The day that I start doing that… again.

Today, I feel the need to write because I need to write. It’s been too long, but at the same time, I feel like I don’t have anything to talk about because nothing happens to me. 

Oh yeah, I last wrote about how I was starting to work out and I was super into it. I’m happy to report that that is still the case. I’ve been regularly working out since May 30th and I actually feel pretty fucking fantastic. I also started a product/program called Advocare. I came across Advocare on Pinterest when I saw a story by this woman named Terica Messmer ( I was inspired and interested, so I went ahead and ordered it for myself. 

After creeping through her Instagram and other Advocare users’ Instagrams, I realized that this product/program seems to actually work for people. I also decided that even if it doesn’t, it will have gotten me to do cardio and strength training every day, as well as eating healthily. So either way, I was going to see a result. I’m all about that Placebo effect.

There is a 24 Day Challenge with Advocare which entails a ten-day cleanse and then a fourteen-day max phase (whatever that is). I started the challenge on June 9th and I’ve already seen results, both on the scale, in my body fat percentage, and even in the mirror a bit. I’ve been eating more than I was before all of this, just healthy stuff now. 

I’m actually a bit obsessed, as it happens. Or shall we say, dedicated. Or shall we even say, consumed. I used to hate all the shit about ‘oh, it’s a lifestyle change’ blah blah, but it’s so true. The funny thing is that I haven’t even craved fast food since I started all of this. I’ve opened up a can of Coke Zero only to forget about it and let it go flat/warm. To be honest, I’ve done that twice. 

I have been eating homemade wraps – tomato basil/wheat/spinach pesto tortilla, chicken breast (as in the Oscar Meyer carving board kind because I’m still super lazy), baby spinach, romaine lettuce, pepperjack/cheddar cheese, ranch dressing, and sometimes hot sauce. I usually put on too much lettuce and then I can’t fully wrap the tortilla around everything and it’s a sodding mess, but a delicious one. I’ll seriously have two of those a day because they’re so good. Otherwise, I’ll have a salad with tuna/salmon, or carrots and hummus, or steamed veggies with hot sauce. 

I’m drinking a ton of water. At least 64oz when I’m working out, but probably that much during the day anyway. I still get my shaken green tea lemonades from Starbucks. I haven’t even wanted/needed coffee. I seriously don’t have any cravings and it’s a bit scary. 

For Father’s Day, Conor and I took dad to Longhorn Steakhouse because it’s his favorite. I had peach tea instead of pop (HUGE for me lately), a 6oz filet with green beans, and didn’t even want the bread on the table. I’m sure my dad and brother were confused as all hell. Sure, we got Dairy Queen ice cream after, but it was Father’s Day. (Plus, I’d done a seven-mile run/walk just before dinner, so I think I was safe). 

I don’t know. It’s the damnedest thing. I’ve taken maybe three days off since May 30th. I only did abs on Saturday and hated it. Even though it was supposed to be my rest day. I don’t even want to take a rest day. 

For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be skinny, I want to be fit. I want definition in my arms, my shoulders, my back, my abs, my ass, my thighs, my calves. I want to be strong. I want a 5k to be easy – a quick workout I could squeeze into any day. I want to look how I feel. Also, I am dying to see my body that way. I’ve never seen it fit. I’ve never seen it really toned. 

It’s just time I took care of myself, so that’s what I’m doing. 

Like I said, I also need to get back into writing. And write every day. And write more of my novel. Yeah, I’m trying to do that, too. I’ve got about 11,000 words. I haven’t felt as creative lately. That’s part of my crisis. I’m seriously just obsessed with this new movement. But if I can take two hours to work out every day, I can take some time to do a daily writing prompt. 


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