It literally took 30 years, but I’m finally engaged

It’s true.

 

Andrew proposed to me at the James J Hill Library in downtown Saint Paul on June 19th, 2018. I’ll always remember that date, because I’ll always remember that I had my first real date with a man (after a long-term relationship with a not-so-great breakup) way back in 2010 on June 19th. It must mean something. Maybe I’ll have a kid born on that day in a few years.

He had conspired with a couple ladies at the library (and my friend, Amanda) to make sure that it was documented and memorable experience: He said that we should go out to dinner and go to the mental health exhibit at the MN Science Museum, and I had mentioned to my brother that ‘he better be proposing’ because he had been bugging the shit out of me to make sure I had that day off work. Then as we got downtown, he said that we should just check out the library because we were right there. I had shown him photos of the library months before saying that it reminded me of Beauty and the Beast.

We went into the library and were told that the stairs were blocked, so we’d have to take the elevator up to the second level, which we did, and starting walking around looking at all of the insane books/collections. When we got to the far end of the room and turned to look out at everything, he started saying that he wanted to start a new chapter with me as he got down on one knee. I instantly started crying and said yes – or I nodded yes? I was in shock! After we stood there hugging, crying, looking at the ring for a few minutes, Andrew told me to look across the library at a reading area where a woman was sitting – that woman was my friend Amanda, and then he pointed out a guy with a camera – that guy was Amanda’s boyfriend, who was taking photos of us the whole time.

I told you – well-documented and memorable.

Oh, and the ring he gave me was one that I’d shown him on etsy at some point. This guy pays attention to me.

Ten days later, we had set a date. By July 7th, I had ordered a dress. We had booked a reception/dinner location by mid-August, and I’d had a photographer in mind for like, years.

We ended up deciding on doing a family-only ceremony somewhere and then a dinner/non-traditional reception with everyone afterward. We’re getting married on Friday the 13th of this year – 91319, a palindrome (’cause we nerdy like that), just a couple blocks from where we lived when we first moved up here, and, oh, there’s a full moon that night. And the dinner location references a black dog.. huh.

tenor

It’s definitely a blessing and a curse to have the date set so far away from the engagement – we’ve gotten so much done so early and haven’t had to feel rushed with anything. We got the hotel blocks booked, the photographer booked, I knew who would do my hair, I’ve found someone who will do my makeup; my dress took about seven months to come in, so I’m glad I had the time to wait for that.. but then at the same time, I’m impatient as all hell. And there are some things that just have to wait – flowers, hair/makeup trials, sending invitations, booking a honeymoon, figuring out transportation, etc. Which can also be a bit frustrating or just nerve-wracking when I want to get things done NOW.

Maybe writing about it will help – I think I’m going to try to do updates as time goes on, as things get accomplished, as nerves start to fray haha but honestly, I don’t think I’ll get too stressed.

I say that now.

I’m Not Whinging

I promise. I’m really not.

Tonight, I was creeping through facebook, as I tend to do occasionally (because how else will I keep up with the people I don’t talk to) and I noticed that a friend’s little sister is engaged.

This is not to say that it’s not awesome for her, and I’m so happy that she’s happy; it’s just…

So I have these two girlfriends who have been my friends since probably before kindergarten. Somehow, twenty years later, we’re still best friends.

Growing up, our younger siblings were also friends. We each have a younger brother and those brothers are within a year of each other. One of us also has a younger sister, just slightly younger than her younger brother. She’s the one who just got engaged.

The other’s younger brother is engaged. My brother is quite seriously dating someone (who I actually love).

It’s just a matter of time before all the younger siblings are married………………………………………………………before I am. Ah God, I really, truly attempted to resist.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. People find happiness and love at all walks of life and it shouldn’t be discounted nor compared.

It just hit me, I guess, as things tend to do: I’m kind of, like, alone.

And have been. For quite some time. Or at least two years. Over two years.

And it seemsseems, seems, like everyone else…. isn’t.

Alone, that is.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

I just don’t always think about it or notice it and then suddenly, everyone and their mother (literally, everyone and my mother) are engaged. Or married. Or pregnant. Or at least fucking someone.

Ahem.

Not whinging.

*makes hand gesture as if to say, ‘that’s final’ and kind of means it*

I’m always kind of on the fence, you know? Like, sometimes I’m desperate to be with someone and then other times I’m looking around at my apartment going, thank Christ I’m not with someone.

There’s a hell of a lot of mental and physical freedom that comes with being alone. Shall we say ‘independent’ from here on?

I mean, I can sleep til noon and stay up late and eat whenever I want and – wait, that’s the freedom that comes with being unemployed.

Um, so I mean, being single: I can sleep til noon and stay up late and I can spend two hours at the gym and only buy groceries for one and go to Starbucks without asking anyone’s order and – you know, this still sounds like unemployment.

I guess it’s just nice to do my own thing. Most of the time.

Then I see everyone around me dating/getting engaged/getting married/getting pregnant/buying houses/getting dogs and I think about how much I desire those things. I don’t need plural house(s), but everything else, yeah.

When I moved into my new apartment, I decided to get a king-sized bed and put my queen in the second bedroom. When I told dad I was getting a king bed, he was like, “expecting company?”
I was like,

But then I was like,

Sometimes I just wonder how the fuck I’ll ever meet someone if I don’t have a job or whatever; but maybe because I don’t have a job yet, I’m not meant to meet anyone…. yet?

I don’t know. Everything happens for a reason and everything happens when it’s meant, but man alive, I’m not getting any younger.

What I am getting is more fit. Did you know it’ll have been a month, Friday, that I’ve been working out and eating healthily? That’s somewhat of a milestone, I reckon.

Truth be told, I would like to be in some semblance of fitness before I meet ‘the one’ – it’d be ideal, anyway. So maybe once I’ve got that checked off the list…

I’m still ridiculously, if not stupidly, optimistic about my future. I have literally zero prospects (in the dating pool, anyway; jobwise might be another story), and yet I still find myself looking like that heart-eyed emoji. If I could bottle it, I’d sell it.

This whole post even ended up more positive than I had planned. ‘The fuck.